Hugs from God

I don’t know about you but these days I am constantly teetering between feeling gratitude and feeling anxious. It’s like walking a tightrope, sometimes I am balanced and okay with where I am at and other times I’m about to fall off…and it feels like there is no safety-net to catch me. There is this constant effort to focus, keep perspective, stay positive, be grateful – because that is all you can do. It can be exhausting just to consistently maintain this mindset.

My mind sometimes races… to try to understand and seek meaning and purpose in things, terrible things we can’t control. It is very human to do this. The great unknown is looming before us and it’s hard to find any sense of comfort in all of this. At the dawn of the new year I made a promise to myself to lean into things that fill me and lift me, no matter frivolous or trivial it may seem. It’s hard to believe that was only four months ago. Yet now I find myself seeking…needing this more than ever. I look for signs from God that He is here somewhere in the cracks and crevices of all of this.

He is.

Sometimes my mind is directed towards the humans near and far wearing masks and gloves, anxiety in the air. It zones in on this and it's hard to shift focus. I feel drained and heavy. But sometimes I find the strength to look up, look up and let myself gaze at the beautiful rainbow hues of the trees, heralding in the springtime. This lifts me - it’s like a subtle hug from God. And I feel a sense of warmth and comfort course through my body even for a just split second. I find the more I allow myself to lean into these little pockets of positivity the more my mind learns to focus on this. And even if my mind wants to flicker – and it will - between the masks and the trees - then I am okay with that too.